Axis One Half
by sweetteasus
Summary: The Axis have an unfortunate accident in a certain cursed spring. Can they keep their secret from the other countries, especially the Allies? Pure, unadulterated crack.


**Okay, I got hit with this plot bunny the other day when I was reading _Ranma 1/2_. I started giggling at the thought of the Axis getting turned into women and well, it went downhill from there...  
I've been working on this between my other stories, so I really don't know how much of this I'll get through (hopefully this will get finished :D). I also apologize for the quality of the writing OTL**

Disclaimer: I don't own _Hetalia_ or _Ranma 1/2.  
_Warnings: For this chapter: Major OOC, langauge, Japan's internal monologue, and the multitude of crack  
Pairings: None, for this chapter 

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"Neee, Germany can we stop now?" Italy whined as they trekked through the foggy area of the springs.

"No. We must keep going until we're out of this damn fog and in the clear." Germany said growing annoyed with Italy's increased whining. The thick fog and the heavy scent of sulfur that hung in the air were making him irritable.

"But I'm tired! Carry me, Germany, please?" Italy begged, pulling Germany's arm like an over-eager child.

"…Ja, if only to stop your whining!" Germany snapped, hoisting Italy on to his back.

"Yay, Germany is carrying me!" Italy cheered before resting his head the blonde's shoulders. Germany sighed before giving Japan a look that clearly said "why me?"

The three continued on, Italy's light snoring being the only sound. The ground was growing slippery and the areas between the springs were getting narrower.

"Germany-san, I think we should be careful when traveling around these springs. They look rather suspicious to me…" Japan said softly, careful not to draw attention from Italy, who had quickly fallen asleep. Germany simply waved him off.

"Eh, we'll be fine. The only thing that's suspicious is this fog. Really, we just need to watch our footing, I'd hate to slip and have to walk around in wet clothes…" Japan nodded, but his face still showed that he was concerned.

"If you insist, Germany-san…" They continued on for a bit, careful not fall into the springs. They traveled in silence for about fifteen minutes until they came to a pond-sized spring with a log across it, serving as a makeshift bridge.

"Germany-san, I think we should go around…" Japan said hesitantly.

"Why? It'll be quicker to go over. Faster we go, the sooner we can get out of here." Germany said, stepping on the log to test it out. Japan shook his head.

"No…these springs remind me of the ones at China's house. Something really bad generally happens if one falls in and I really don't think we should take that chance…"

"Japan, don't be superstitious. Worst-case scenario, we'll get a little wet. Now let's go…the sulfur is giving me a headache." Germany said finally, stepping across the log. Japan gave a long-suffering sigh before following behind him slowly. They gradually made their way across—Germany moving determinedly with Italy still snoring on his back and Japan keeping careful footing behind him. They continued on in silence, Germany in order to concentrate on not losing his balance and Japan for lack of anything to say other than "this is a bad idea." It was only when they were close to the other side when it happened.

If you were to ask Germany, it was because he placed too much faith in the log's ability to support them. If you asked Japan, it was because Germany should have listened to him in the first place and they should have went around. Both agreed that if Italy had not insisted on being carried, things might have turned out differently. Regardless of the reason, it still happened. The trio was about a stone's throw away from the other side of the spring when Germany turned around in order to reassure Japan. He stepped on a weak point on the log and before he could say "wurst," the log had cracked, sending the three into the spring.

Lucky for them, the spring wasn't too deep; only enough to fully submerge them in the steaming water. For a few short minutes, it was nothing but confusion before Italy, of all people, managed to get his bearings straight and wade to the other side.

"Vee~Germany, what happened?" He shrieked, throwing himself on the ground.

"The damn log," Germany started breathlessly, following Italy out of the water, "split underneath us."

"Which could have been avoided, Germany-san, if we had went around…" Japan said softly, finally making it out of the water and on to dry land.

"Or if someone hadn't insisted on being carried…" Germany snapped turning to glare at Italy before noticing something seemed a little…off.

"Italy…" Germany began, unease creeping in his mind as he noticed that his voice sounded higher than normal, "does anything seem…weird…to you." Italy cocked his head to the side, also noticing the change in pitch.

"Wellllll, it seems like our voices have gotten higher and my chest feels a little heavier and something feels different down there and Germany you make a very pretty girl." Italy's verbal train of thought came crashing down on both Germany and Japan as they looked down and noticed the state of their bodies.

"Wha-wha…what happened?" Germany shrieked, pressing _her_ hands into her newly acquired chest.

"It must have been the spring…China has springs like this in his home." Japan said calmly.

"But why did we change? How do we change back? WHY DO THEY JIGGLE?" Germany was near histrionics. Why did he insist they take that short cut?

"Wah, at least yours does." Italy pouted, noting that she had the smallest chest.

"I DON'T WANT THEM TO!" Germany shrieked, attempting to strangle the other girl.

"Ahh, stop Germany! It was a compliment! I like that they do! They're like pillows! Stop pleeeeaaase!" Italy exclaimed, trying to dodge Germany's grasp. Germany finally gave up, slumping to the ground in defeat, a scowl set on her features.

"Okay, we need to figure out how to undo this…curse." Germany said, looking from Italy, who was busy groping at her chest, to Japan, the picture of calmness. Germany really had to admire Japan and the way he managed to stay so composed during this debacle; it made him feel a little foolish at how he had just behaved. Japan was handling this in a calm and collected way.

-Japan's inner monologue-

"_Shitshitshitshit, why does this have to happen to me? I am a woman! Not male! Wait; maybe it's just a dream! Yes, I'll pinch myself and when I wake up, we'll still be on that godforsaken beach! Ow! Damn, it's not! Ahh, I have breasts, goddamnit! Nice ones and at least they're bigger than Italy-kun's but still! My honor! That's it, where's my katana—"_

"Ah, Japan, I envy your calmness…" Germany said, snapping Japan out of her inner diatribe. Japan gave a weak smile in return.

"It is just my nature, Germany-san…"

"Yeah, Japan! You haven't said anything for a while! How do you like your new body?" Italy asked, trying in vain to see what her backside looked like. Japan sighed, running a hand through her chin-length hair.

"It does make things a little inconvenient…" Japan said, annoyed.

"I think it would be best if we got out of here before anything else happens. Then we can figure out what to do." Germany said, preparing to hoist herself off the ground; Japan nodded before offering Germany a hand.

"Okay! Hey Germany, will you carry me?" Italy asked. Germany and Japan shared a look before turning to face Italy, who gave a smile.

"No!"

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**Uh, please read and review...**

**I'm so sorry OTL**


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